I love this topic, and I adore Ami for putting her hand up to write about it.
The taboo topic of only having one child - a topic that we, as a society, are still massively uncomfortable with.
Sometimes it's about the circumstance, sometimes it's just about a simply choice, but either way - it really should be up to no one else except for the parents.
(And, if you are one of those people who always asks when someone is having their next baby, don't worry, I get that too - but if someone says they're not, that's totally ok).
Did you always know you only wanted to have one child? If not, how many did you originally think you would have?
Originally, I didn’t really want any kids… we’re talking when I was in my early 20s though. During my pregnancy it became pretty clear that one would be enough for us.
I’d love to know about your first and what your experience was like?
The pregnancy with my son was easy enough. But the birth was a little on the traumatic side… I lost 2 litres of blood and ended up in Theatre soon after my son was born. My husband was left in the delivery room, holding our naked son, for over 2 hours. He had no idea what state I was in and wasn’t kept updated at all.
As for parenting… he’s a good kid. He always slept well, so that helped me stay sane! Our decision to stop at one wasn’t a reaction to him.
When did you decide that one was enough?
My husband was fairly certain throughout the pregnancy that one was enough. I was 50/50 on it, and thought we’d maybe feel the need to have a second.
It weighs on me, but I think it’s also just a societal norm that no one questions… at the end of the day, we’re not depriving our child by not providing him a sibling. If that’s the one thing he’s telling his therapist about in 20 years, I’ll be pretty fucking happy about my parenting!
Also, any remote chance of another kid disappeared once I got my sleep back! And then even more so when he hit the toddler years.
It must feel pretty good knowing that you and your partner were basically on the same wave length about such a big decision?
It does - I can only imagine how frustrating it would get if we wanted different things! More or less, we’ve always been on the same wave length about it. Even when I’ve (very briefly!) thought about having a second, it’s never been more than a passing thought. So there has never really been a major discussion between us about it… it just is what it is.
What have people’s reactions been to your decision? What have been some of the responses? And how often do you get asked?
This is the worst part! It feels like I get asked at least once a week when we’ll have another one, if we’ll have another one, wouldn’t we like a little girl… sometimes by people who I’ve told a week earlier that we’re done.
It’s strange how we have this obsession with discussing people’s procreation plans.
And as someone who suffered with infertility (PCOS), I find it so strange how “ok” it still is to ask people about the state of their uterus!
But still, people find it necessary to ask and then give their opinion.
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told “oh, you’ll change your mind…” I’d be on a tropical island somewhere (because it’d probably cover a cheap flight to Bali)
Anything you’d like to say to mums in the same position, who feel the pressure to give their child a sibling?
Push back. You don’t have to play along with the constant questioning and opinion-giving. You don’t have to be rude, but you sure as hell don’t have to politely take breeding advice from anyone.
Ami run copywriting business Damn Write, you can find her here -
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