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Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia

October 18, 2018

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Why you can't plan when to have a baby...

One evening, four years ago, my partner and I sat down together and decided that we were ready to start a family. Ready? That unrealistic statement is so laughable now. Anyway, we got really excited and started daydreaming about our little family. I was convinced that I had fallen pregnant the first month. According to Dr Google I had so many pregnancy symptoms. You know, all the signs that are exactly the same as your period? Dull cramps, swollen breasts and increased appetite? Yep - those confusing signs! I wasn’t pregnant and I was left a little heartbroken. In the anticipation of it all happening after the first BANG (sorry – love making session), I had already put together baby name lists and started bookmarking helpful sites.


Month after month, we tried and it didn’t happen. There was that one month where nature played a terribly cruel trick and my period was 7 days late. Negative? How could the test be negative? How could the next one be negative? I found relief on sites where women shared stories about negative pregnancy tests being incorrect and then going on to become divine Earth mamas who ran around in a field of daisies with 5 kids. I was desperate to believe ‘strangers’ on the internet.


My partner and I didn’t tell a single soul. We were embarrassed, ashamed and upset. Whilst this experience made me go into ‘research mode’, my partner became more anxious and withdrawn. We admitted defeat and booked in to see a doctor. During the first visit, we were told it was perfectly normal for natural conception to take up to 2-3 years. Say whaaat? No, no, no…I can’t go through this for 3 years. This has to be a mistake. Where did this Doc get his degree from? But we’d already been trying for a while, so we were eligible to start exploring options. And we did.


During this stressful time, we were engaged. As many will know, it’s difficult to set a wedding date and even more so when you’re trying to ‘schedule’ in a possible pregnancy. But we we’re having no luck in the baby making department and I felt ‘stuck’ every month trying to plan out our lives 9 months in advance. We decided that we had to let it go and start living our lives again. If a child came along, we’d figure it all out.


And that’s what we did. We planned our wedding and bridezilla came out swinging. It was a good project to refocus all of my attention. We booked our honeymoon – A New Year’s Eve cruise which we invited our friends along to and coined it the Partymoon. We bought a house and embarked on some renovations. Plus, I applied for a new job, which was another thing I was putting off as I anticipated being pregnant soon.


After all of this – I was finally pregnant. My due date was the day before the lovely wedding we had planned and paid for. I was also due a few weeks before we were going on a cruise with all of our friends. And as I sadly discovered, you can’t bring children under 12 months old on a cruise. Doh! Plus, four days before the double lines appeared on the pregnancy test, I had resigned from my job to take up a new role in two weeks’ time. It kind of sounds like a bad comedy movie plot, right?


This was the worst possible time for us to have a baby. Under any other circumstance, I probably would have freaked out about all of this. I’m a Type-A, Virgo, over-planner, so it’s generally how I roll. But we considered ourselves blessed. We were finally having the baby that we had dreamed about for so long.


What happened with all the other stuff? The wedding got pushed back by six months because I wasn’t paying all that money to not drink at my own wedding (I’m not an alcoholic, I swear!). The Partymoon was cancelled and thankfully everyone could get a refund. I started a new job with horrific morning pregnancy that lasted up to 22 weeks. Fortunately, my workplace is super lovely and understood the situation. But none of that mattered to us. It was just logistics and my Type-A, Virgo, over-planner personality, really came in handy to sort it all out.


The lesson I took away from this experience is that Forrest Gump’s mama was bloody right – Life is like a box chocolates. You NEVER know what you’re gonna get. So true Mrs Gump, so very true!

Holly is the Chief Mama of Motherhood Melbourne.

An online hood for Melbourne mamas who are surviving motherhood one coffee at a time. She enjoys being sat on by her pug, Mr. Giuseppe (he likes to be addressed formally), chasing her terrifying toddler and being the world’s worst wifey (she doesn’t even know how to turn on her oven #truestory).

Holly is highly skilled in going on shopping sprees and sneaking items into the house. Her drink of choice is Pinot Gris but before 2pm, she’s known to slam down 2 or 3 mochas.















Illustration of Holly and her little man

courtesy of Mel from The Illustrated




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